In a bar...

[captain_fucking_magic]

Harry's having a fairly good day, as these things go. He's taking a break from work, and has absconded with Perry's laptop to the bar, where he is typing up a blog post detailing their last case. Or at least, what he's allowed to blog about. Perry still insists on checking these things over before Harry posts them (confidentiality and all that, which fine. Harry can work with that), but he's got pretty good at knowing which bits to leave out or alter slightly to keep Perry in business.

And besides. It's kind of fun, being like Dr Watson. Only, you know. Without the doctor part.

Comments

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Yeah, you know," Harry says. "Harry, get those copies on my desk five minutes ago. Harry, what the fuck did you do to the printer again? Harry, your filing system sucks. You're fired again."

See? Glorified office boy.

[myeuh_muh]

Darcy eats more pizza and considers this. Either this guy has the best ever poker face and some really weird euphemisms for sex or he is actually just the office-boy.

"I used to have a job like that." She says, finally. "Just like, a part time one. It kinda came to an end when he asked me to assume the position over the photocopier."

And that is when Darcy started carrying her taser.

[captain_fucking_magic]

Huh. Harry thought she already looked kinda young. Like, young enough to be having a root beer float because the Bar won't serve her anything more exciting.

"I know this is something you're not supposed to ask, but just how old are you, sweetheart?"

[myeuh_muh]

Darcy looks at the root-beer float and clicks.

"Oh, I'm like, twenty-three in May. But sometimes pepperoni pizza just has to be eaten with root-beer and ice-cream. What about you?"

Tit for tat, man.

[captain_fucking_magic]

Harry thinks about this for a moment.

"Still couldda probably sued him for sexual harassment. There's not a whole lot of money in that, but it destroys a guy's reputation pretty quickly."

Probably too late now, though.

"And, uh. Thirty-six. Like I didn't already feel like a creepy old man."

[myeuh_muh]

"I was like, nineteen. I just kneed him in the balls. He gave me a brilliant reference though. And like, don't worry about an age-gap. Like, I've seen worse. Way worse. I'd tell you all the juicy details but I signed a bit of paper that said I wouldn't. Or that I was a member of Reader's Digest. I can't remember."

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Really?" Harry asks, almost fishing for more information.

Not at what Darcy's kinda-sorta hinting. She's almost young enough to be his kid, if he'd started very, very early. But at her confidentiality agreement.

[myeuh_muh]

"Yuh-huh. I'm assuming not on the Reader's Digest though, 'cause I haven't seen a magazine at all. It was just all this, don't tell, don't even think about it. But it's like, who would believe me anyway? I mean, they might now, I guess, but like, when I signed it."

A thought occurs to her.

"It might not even be valid any more... What do you think?"

[captain_fucking_magic]

"I don't know," Harry says. "You might not want to test that on Earth, but an argument could be made for the confidentiality between parallel universes. I mean, there's probably another you who never signed it, or never even had to. Who can prove which you it is in a place like this?"

You don't work for a private detective and not learn just a little bit about legal loopholes.

[myeuh_muh]

"'sa good point." Darcy waves her pizza at him.

"There's a version of me out there that's apparently married to the guy who tried to take over my world. Not the same guy. Like, one like him. But not pants on head crazy."

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Doctor Doom?" Harry asks.

Because he's still only seen about one and a half Iron Man movies, which were hilariously different from the comics. Not in a bad way, but just... different.

[myeuh_muh]

Darcy gives him another considering look. Then decides what the hell.

"No... Loki. Like the Norse god of mischief. Do you believe me?"

[captain_fucking_magic]

Well, considering Harry's like, a less-attractive version of Iron Man, it wouldn't be much of a stretch for Loki to be the big bad in her universe.

"He only tried to take it over?" Harry asks. "You mean he didn't try to just end the world or something?"

[myeuh_muh]

"To be honest, I'm not sure what his long game was. I'm not sure even he knew, by the sounds of it. He just wrecked most of Midtown, and then Iron Man destroyed the wormhole and they sent Loki and Thor back to Asgard. Or something like that, the story seems to change pretty often. So I guess we'll never know. Most people think he wanted to take over the world though."

It's a relief to know she's not crazy, if this guy's reaction is anything to go by.

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Wow," Harry says. "Hadn't heard that one before."

Last he saw anything about Loki, he'd teamed up with Spider-man for a few issues. That was kinda weird.

[myeuh_muh]

"You must be from another world then. Do you have the Avengers where you come from? Wait, is Loki like, kind of a jerk but apparently in the Avengers, as far as you're concerned?"

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Uhhhh. Sorta," Harry says. "I mean, he shows up every now and then, but he seems to pretty much be doing his own thing for the most part. There was that time he turned Thor into a frog, but you know. Sibling rivalry."

[myeuh_muh]

Darcy coughs root-beer up her nose and down her shirt.

"Oh my god. Ah, crap..." She dabs at her shirt with her sleeve. "A frog? Really? No, wait, I really need to get a napkin..."

She pushes her chair back and casts about her.

[captain_fucking_magic]

There's one on the table next to Harry, which he hands to her.

"Yeah, that was a while ago, but I'm sure they've forgotten all about it by now."

[myeuh_muh]

"Yeah, I guess when your brother puts in a pretty good bid to kill you, you forget the little things. Do you want a drink?"

She waves the empty root-beer glass at him by way of example.

[captain_fucking_magic]

Harry shakes his head.

"I'm technically working," he says. "And my boss is enough of a dick that he actually has one of those breathalyser things. Something about professional behaviour or some shit like that."

Or possibly something about stumbling into the office after a night of heavy drinking that only ended about two hours before work started. At least he was on time!

[myeuh_muh]

"What about like, a root-beer or a milkshake or something? I gotta study later anyway. It's almost finals time."

Definitely not sleeping with his boss. No one would breathalyse someone they were planning on sleeping with.

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Finals?" Harry asks. "Watchya studying?"

Harry's going to school too. Well. Getting his GED.

[myeuh_muh]

"Political science. And history. I was doing linguistics but after last summer I switched, and after these exams I'll be all graduated and grown-up."

Darcy flags down a rat. "Sure I can't tempt you? I was going to get strawberry."

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Grown-up's overrated," Harry says. "Strawberry milkshakes are only acceptable for kids."

He thinks about this for a moment.

"Make it a chocolate, and it's on me," he says. Because something about girls buying him drinks is just weird.