Round Two

[captain_fucking_magic]

Harry's still rather new to this whole Milliways business, and it takes him a good while to accept the fact that he went through the front door from Perry's house, and has now gone back through that same door to find himself in a completely different house.

He's going to ignore the whole other country business all together. For now.

"That's, uhm... What the fuck?"

OK, he wasn't sure what was going to happen, but this was not it.

Comments

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

"That's because you stuff him with tuna every time you come over. Did you clean it up?"

She's not really expecting him to have cleaned it up.

"Also sorry about that, I thought I would take longer to get home if you were here."

[captain_fucking_magic]

He did clean it up, but he just shrugs dramatically. He'd much rather let her fret about it until she worked it out on her own.

Harry, however, is still confused as all hell.

"Clue a guy in?" he asks. "What did he mean, 'cheap look-alike'?"

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

Great. He didn't clean it up.

"Harry, this is Sherlock. He's an artist. He also likes to make cheap shots. Yes I had noticed that he looks similar, no it did not inform my decision to bring him home, alright?"

She folds her arms and wishes (not for the first time) she was six inches taller.

"Anyway, what would I do? Insist on calling him Sherlock?"

[captain_fucking_magic]

Sherlock only shrugs, and is well on his way to ignoring her and pretending that he owns the sofa.

"Wait. Sherlock? What?" asks Harry. "I thought you said you never dated this guy?"

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

Mary looks at him blankly for a moment, then suppresses a laugh, mainly because of the height difference.

"No, I didn't. In this London, there's a very popular movie about Sherlock Holmes. I must admit, you do have a strong resemblance to the lead. It's almost uncanny. I think he's taller though. But it's not why I brought you here. He's being a brat."

[captain_fucking_magic]

"You haven't seen me with my shoes on," Harry says. "They make a difference."

Only because of the massive fucking heels on them.

Sherlock finds this whole display rather disgusting and gets up to rattle around in the kitchen. Loudly.

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

Oh for goodness' sake.

"Sherlock!" Mary follows him into the kitchen. "It's time to go."

It's lovely he's practising his cockblock technique but seriously.

"You can come back later. You can even take the custard creams with you."

[consulting_detective]

"Thank you," he says with mock enthusiasm.

Sherlock grabs the entire pack.

And the milk from the fridge for good measure.




And a left-over something in a Tupperwear. And with not so much as a passing glance to either of the other two, he swoops out of the flat like he should be wearing a cape. Even with the waist-length jacket, it's still impressive.


Harry is just confused.

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

"I don't believe he stole the milk. He's such a child..."

Mary pokes her head in the fridge, and yes, all the milk is gone.

"Come in, it's safe now. I can't offer you tea... Wine?" She sees the look on his face. "Oh dear. Look, don't worry about it, he's always like that. Oh. I should flick John a warning text."

She comes back into the living room carefully carrying two glasses and a bottle of wine, and pats the sofa next to her.

[captain_fucking_magic]

"I suppose I should pay attention to this Sherlock Holmes thing, then," Harry says as he joins her on the sofa. "If I look like the star, it could be good news. Especially in LA."

He takes the wine, and unlike the beer from earlier, actually drinks it.

He's also wondering why no-one ever made him aware that he looks like some movie star.

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

"You could, I guess. You could make a fortune at children's parties and things." Mary chucks her phone away from her.

"Wait, you've never heard of Robert Downey Jr? And you're in LA? Who was Iron Man in your LA?"

[captain_fucking_magic]

Harry laughs. "Iron Man? That's a comic, sweetheart," he says.

OK, to be fair, the first Iron Man film won't come out for two and a bit years, still. And Harry's narration has no fucking clue who will play Tony Stark if and when it does happen.

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

Mind blown.

"They never made the movie in your LA? Well, we should definitely watch it, I think you'll like it."

Mary puts down her wine-glass.

"We can get take-aways as well, if you like."

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Take away what?" Harry asks, legitimately confused.

Seriously, she's English. These people invented the goddamn language, so the least she could do is speak it.

"And you sure that won't like, violate some sort of time-space-whatever law?"

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

"Um, there's menus on the fridge, and most of those places deliver."

Mary manages to understand and miss the point all at once, and is already on her knees sorting through her DVDs (one day she will alphabetise. Maybe she could annoy Sherlock into doing it?)

"And unless Tony Stark shows up at the door, we'll probably be fine on the space-time thing." She sits back on her heels and looks back at him. "Though if that does happen I suggest a threesome."

[captain_fucking_magic]

That wine Harry was drinking?

All over the carpet.

"Fuck!" he chokes out.

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

Mary's giggling again as she fetches paper towels and salt.

"You're ridiculous. Tony Stark is very unlikely to show up." She pours the salt on the stains on the carpet, and takes the wine-glass away from Harry. "Here. Mop up."

[captain_fucking_magic]

Harry seems a bit put out at having to clean up the mess. But he does it anyway, because he's trying to not get thrown out of here. Christ, what would he even do if she did throw him out? Would he be stuck in London? Would they deport him? Fuck, he probably shouldn't even be here at all, now that he thinks about it.

He cleans up the mess he made.

"Sorry about that," Harry says simply.

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

"I just meant your shirt, you twit." It's kind of cute though. "Oh, you know what, you can borrow one of mine and I can stick that in the laundry."

While she's in the bedroom, Murphy saunters in, licking his chops. He regards Harry in that way that cats do when they meet new people. Since he doesn't have tuna or salmon, he ignores him and starts cleaning himself.

"Don't mind him, he's an old softy." Mary's got a ratty old Nirvana t-shirt. "Watch it though, he sheds."

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Oh." Well, doesn't he feel like an idiot? Oh well. Too late now.

He looks at the shirt and wonders who it could have possibly belonged to before she got her hands on it, because it's like a goddamn circus tent.

"Got anything that won't make me look like I'm wearing my grandma's night dress?" he asks.

As the cat is ignoring him, he ignores the cat back.

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

"Uh... Did your grandma regularly wear night-dresses referring to early-nineties rock bands?"

She waves in the direction of the bedroom and flops on the sofa next to Murphy, who gives her a baleful look and turns his back to her.

"You're welcome to have a look, of course, I just picked that one since it's you know, intended for a guy."

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Oh, no. Granny was always more a fan of Kiss. Loved the whole glam rock scene, you know?"

He looks at the shirt, and briefly contemplates foregoing the whole thing, but... But fuck, he already knows that this was a bad idea. One of the worst he's had in a while.

He puts on the shirt and tries not to feel like a complete douchebag.

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

Mary covers a giggle.

"Cute." He looks about six. "Right, laundry. Chuck it here. Oh, uh, it's downstairs. I'll be right back."

She grabs a basket of washing from by the door and dumps his shirt on top. The door shuts behind her.

[captain_fucking_magic]

Harry tries to politely divide his attention between the television and the cat, very much not wondering what the hell is taking her so goddamn long.

Finally, he gets bored with waiting.

"You all right down there, sweetheart?" he calls out. "You didn't like, run out on me or something?"

[mscontrarymary.livejournal.com]

There's clanging and scraping coming from the fire escape. Finally the window flies open and Mary tumbles onto the kitchen counter.

"Didn't you hear me knock?" She's red in the face, like she's just used a bin as a stool so she can haul down the ladder for the fire-escape and then climbed up the ladder and jimmied the window open. "I forgot my key and the back-door slammed..."