In a bar...

[captain_fucking_magic]

Harry's having a fairly good day, as these things go. He's taking a break from work, and has absconded with Perry's laptop to the bar, where he is typing up a blog post detailing their last case. Or at least, what he's allowed to blog about. Perry still insists on checking these things over before Harry posts them (confidentiality and all that, which fine. Harry can work with that), but he's got pretty good at knowing which bits to leave out or alter slightly to keep Perry in business.

And besides. It's kind of fun, being like Dr Watson. Only, you know. Without the doctor part.

Comments

[myeuh_muh]

What's with the stare? Darcy stares back. He's kind of cute, in a puppy-ish... OH.

"Woa, that's weird. You look just like this guy I know. But less like... Sharp."

That's a compliment, right?

[captain_fucking_magic]

Ah. Right. Well, she doesn't look Victorian, so Harry takes a gamble in the other direction.

"Let me guess. Constant bed-hair, hilariously-sculpted beard, platform shoes..."

[myeuh_muh]

"Oh man, you noticed the shoes too? You know the whole Iron Man suit is like, three inches taller than he is? I figure like, he only starts half way up the calf when he's in the suit."

She sits down. Why not?

[captain_fucking_magic]

Yeah, he noticed the shoes, but he's not about to say how.

"Only three?" he asks. "He's gotta be at least six-one in that thing."

[myeuh_muh]

"I dunno, they always photograph him from a low angle so the only reason I know how tall he is is because of pap shots of him with Whatshername. Some model or something."

Darcy sticks some pizza in her face.

"Want some?"

It's a whole pizza with everything. The bell peppers make it healthy.

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Yeah, sure," Harry says.

He takes a slice, and manages to balance it and the laptop without dripping anything down his front.

He's done this before.

"She basically runs everything," he says. "Pepper Potts. She's, like, the woman with the power. Tony Stark's just the one with the bank account."

[myeuh_muh]

"No no, it wasn't Pepper Potts. It was just like, one of those scandal rag things you know, 'Tony Stark seen with woman, are they an item?' Probably not, he's been shagging his way across the world since he was old enough to know how."

Darcy sighs and chews pizza. "I guess he's all fucked up from being a millionaire or something."

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Oh. Huh. Don't know her, then."

He looks over at Darcy, as if trying to decide if he recognises her or not.

"How do you fit into all this, then? The... superheroes and all that stuff."

[myeuh_muh]

Darcy shrugs.

"I'm not a superhero or whatever if that's what you mean. The closest I ever got to a superhero was like when, I took this internship up in a tiny town in New Mexico And bunch of shit went down and I signed a bunch of paperwork that said I wouldn't talk about it, even though the men in black never gave me back my iPod or anything. So like, I have this totally cool story about how I met Thor but I can't ever tell anyone. So I guess really I don't have a cool story. What about you? Do you like, do birthday parties as Iron Man or something?"

[captain_fucking_magic]

"No, but that's a really good idea," Harry says. "I'm just, like, a glorified office boy for the world's straightest gay guy ever."

[myeuh_muh]

"Office boy, huh?" She raises an eyebrow.

Typical. Where are all the good men gone.

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Yeah, you know," Harry says. "Harry, get those copies on my desk five minutes ago. Harry, what the fuck did you do to the printer again? Harry, your filing system sucks. You're fired again."

See? Glorified office boy.

[myeuh_muh]

Darcy eats more pizza and considers this. Either this guy has the best ever poker face and some really weird euphemisms for sex or he is actually just the office-boy.

"I used to have a job like that." She says, finally. "Just like, a part time one. It kinda came to an end when he asked me to assume the position over the photocopier."

And that is when Darcy started carrying her taser.

[captain_fucking_magic]

Huh. Harry thought she already looked kinda young. Like, young enough to be having a root beer float because the Bar won't serve her anything more exciting.

"I know this is something you're not supposed to ask, but just how old are you, sweetheart?"

[myeuh_muh]

Darcy looks at the root-beer float and clicks.

"Oh, I'm like, twenty-three in May. But sometimes pepperoni pizza just has to be eaten with root-beer and ice-cream. What about you?"

Tit for tat, man.

[captain_fucking_magic]

Harry thinks about this for a moment.

"Still couldda probably sued him for sexual harassment. There's not a whole lot of money in that, but it destroys a guy's reputation pretty quickly."

Probably too late now, though.

"And, uh. Thirty-six. Like I didn't already feel like a creepy old man."

[myeuh_muh]

"I was like, nineteen. I just kneed him in the balls. He gave me a brilliant reference though. And like, don't worry about an age-gap. Like, I've seen worse. Way worse. I'd tell you all the juicy details but I signed a bit of paper that said I wouldn't. Or that I was a member of Reader's Digest. I can't remember."

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Really?" Harry asks, almost fishing for more information.

Not at what Darcy's kinda-sorta hinting. She's almost young enough to be his kid, if he'd started very, very early. But at her confidentiality agreement.

[myeuh_muh]

"Yuh-huh. I'm assuming not on the Reader's Digest though, 'cause I haven't seen a magazine at all. It was just all this, don't tell, don't even think about it. But it's like, who would believe me anyway? I mean, they might now, I guess, but like, when I signed it."

A thought occurs to her.

"It might not even be valid any more... What do you think?"

[captain_fucking_magic]

"I don't know," Harry says. "You might not want to test that on Earth, but an argument could be made for the confidentiality between parallel universes. I mean, there's probably another you who never signed it, or never even had to. Who can prove which you it is in a place like this?"

You don't work for a private detective and not learn just a little bit about legal loopholes.

[myeuh_muh]

"'sa good point." Darcy waves her pizza at him.

"There's a version of me out there that's apparently married to the guy who tried to take over my world. Not the same guy. Like, one like him. But not pants on head crazy."

[captain_fucking_magic]

"Doctor Doom?" Harry asks.

Because he's still only seen about one and a half Iron Man movies, which were hilariously different from the comics. Not in a bad way, but just... different.

[myeuh_muh]

Darcy gives him another considering look. Then decides what the hell.

"No... Loki. Like the Norse god of mischief. Do you believe me?"

[captain_fucking_magic]

Well, considering Harry's like, a less-attractive version of Iron Man, it wouldn't be much of a stretch for Loki to be the big bad in her universe.

"He only tried to take it over?" Harry asks. "You mean he didn't try to just end the world or something?"

[myeuh_muh]

"To be honest, I'm not sure what his long game was. I'm not sure even he knew, by the sounds of it. He just wrecked most of Midtown, and then Iron Man destroyed the wormhole and they sent Loki and Thor back to Asgard. Or something like that, the story seems to change pretty often. So I guess we'll never know. Most people think he wanted to take over the world though."

It's a relief to know she's not crazy, if this guy's reaction is anything to go by.